Chapter5 ; Who Has Your Heart?
Jack looked out onto the court, Dillion was playing one on one with one of the kids. She watched him dribble around and get past his opponent almost effortlessly then shoot and score.
"Kids got some skill" she said to herself.
She looked over at the picnic table where Brianna was visiting with someone. She and Dillion had shown up a few hours ago. She said that Sam and Riddick were talking things out, translated it meant Sam was about to snap and they needed to space themselves from her and Riddick.
"I hope he can handle this" Jack thought to herself.
She knew Riddick was strong and that if anyone could help Sam through this it would be him, but at the same time she knew the memories and thoughts it'd lay fresh in his mind. She shook her head and looked at her watch.
"I need some coffee" she said to herself. She glanced at Brianna, her conversation didn't seem too intent. "Hey I'm going next door to get some coffee and maybe something to eat" Jack said approaching Brianna.
"Alright Jack" Brianna said.
"Want to join me?" Jack asked her?
"No I think I'll stay and visit and watch Dillion play, he's pretty good isn't he?" Brianna commented.
"Very good, the kids been sand bagging on me, I'm dragging his ass out out on the court next game we have" Jack said and Brianna smiled.
"Well if anyone asks where I've went tell them I'm across the street grabbing some food and quiet for a few minutes" Jack said.
Jack walked into the little cafe across the street, the door jangled some as she entered. She walked up to the counter.
"Hey Jack you're in a little later than usual today, thought maybe you were taking your business elsewhere" the guy behind the counter said.
"Never, your coffee is the strongest around I swear it's gotta be nothing but straight caffeine" Jack said smiling.
"I see, well here ya go one cup of wake up" he said handing it to her.
"Thanks, hey give me one of those sandwiches over there" she said pointing to them. "Alright, turkey and swiss ok?" he asked.
"Fine" she said taking the sandwich from him. She leaned down letting the machine scan her eyes so it'd charge the fee to her tab, then she walked over sitting at a booth in the corner.
Jack was sitting there eating her sandwich and sipping coffee just kind of letting her mind wonder some when the familiar jangle of the door brought her back from her thoughts. She saw an older gentle enter carrying his own thermal coffee mug. Jack sighed some waiting for the expected snickers and quiet murmurs that came everytime he entered the little cafe. They didn't disappoint her.
"And here he is again" she heard someone say.
"Ya crazy old man, talks like a backwoods inbreeded or something" someone else quietly snickered.
Jack's blood rose a few degrees, she very much disliked people being jeered at and made fun of, especially when she saw no just cause. "I need to see about getting some coffee" the familiar line made Jack pause from her thoughts.
Back right after Jack had first come back from the hellish months she was forced to spend with another family she'd spent a lot of time in here. Sometimes alone and sometimes Riddick joined her. When she'd first taken the job at the community center Riddick would walk with her to work and they'd stop here and get some coffee and talk, other times she'd come alone and enjoy the quiet serenity of the place before facing her day at work. Never failed though every morning and older man would come in saying he 'needed to see about getting some coffee'. Same thing at lunch time, she'd sit here and he'd come in. Always saying the same thing and always carrying the same mug. A few times Sam would be late staying at the building for some reason or another and she'd wander over just before closing time and she'd find him in here then too. After a while she'd begun to notice the snickers and comments that came from the employees and sometimes the patrons when he'd come in.
One night Riddick was with her, he heard it too. "Dumb ass people, they don't know his story" he'd grumbled.
"Do you?" Jack asked.
"No I don't but I figure the guy isn't hurting nobody and he's a quiet fella so why torment him. Normally when one's quiet and keeps to themselves there's a reason for it" he said.
"Ya who knows maybe he's just some old crazy or maybe he's just shy. I mean even if he is just some old crazy who cares" Jack said.
"Don't pass judgment on him yet Jack. Remember one thing Jack don't ever assume anything or pass a judgment on someone, you never know the whole story. The minute you let yourself think you do and you judge someone boom it kicks you in the ass. Life may seem unfair but it's got an ironic way of balancing things out at some point" he said.
Jack looked back up as the man took his mug from the guy behind the counter, he turned and kinda viewed the seating area then looked like he was headed for the door.
"Hey Harold" Jack called. She'd learned his name but so far that was it, seemed no one cared enough to find anything else about the man.
"Yes" he said turning to look at her.
"Why don't you sit down and join me, I've got no company for lunch and it'd
be nice not to sit by myself for a while" she said. He nodded and walked
over taking a seat across from her.
"You probably don't me, I've seen you in here before though. My name's Jack" she said.
He nodded, "You work over the way at the community center" he said.
"Yes I do, I don't remember seeing you around there though. I suppose I probably missed you, it can get a little hectic in there what with the kids running around like crazy and the millions of different programs and things they've got going on" she said.
"I've only been in a few times and it was very brief, just go in to get my daughter. She spends a lot of her time there" he said taking a sip from his mug.
"Who's your daughter?" Jack asked Him.
"Lissa, you may not have seen her she's pretty quiet and keeps to herself a lot, she likes the projects and activities you all offer though" he said.
Jack nodded, she knew Lissa well. Small pretty little girl about 9 years old. Cork screw curly blonde hair and huge brown eyes. She was quiet and kept to herself, didn't play with the other kids or take part in the sports either. She'd sit off by herself drawing or building things. Sam had seen a few of the drawings she'd done, they were amazing. Very intricate and detailed and the color choices she'd use were breath taking. Some of them would put the sketches that some painters had done to shame.
"I've seen your daughter, very quiet but very talented" Jack said. "Her drawings are wonderful, have you seen them?" she then asked him.
"Yes I have, she's been drawing since she first learned to pick up the pencil" he said.
"She's very good, did she ever take classes or anything?" Jack asked.
"No she hasn't, she use to sit and watch her mother paint and sketch all day though" he said quietly.
"Oh well she must have come by it naturally then" Jack said. He nodded and took another drink of his coffee. His eyes seemed to glaze over Jack noticed and his hands shook a bit.
"Harold if you don't mind me asking why do you come in here and get coffee all the time? I mean I've seen you in here at various times always to get coffee, do you not own a coffee pot?" She asked curiously.
"I do I just can't seem to make my own coffee" he said taking his
time between each word.
"Why's that?" she asked. He just looked up at her. His gaze made Jack's
breath catch in her throat. It was like looking at a little child, total
honest and openness in his eyes. It reminded her of Dillion when he was
younger sitting in a chair with his arms wrapped around his legs crying
when a pet of his
had died.
"When I was younger around 18 years old I worked on a farm" Harold said. "I stayed in a bunk house and to earn my keep I tended to the horses and the fields, during crop season I'd work from sun up till sun down harvesting things. Every morning I go into the main house and get a cup of coffee, there was a girl who lived there. Her name was Molly. She was the farm owners daughter, every morning I'd walk in and she'd be in the kitchen with a mug of coffee in hand waiting for me and every evening it was the same. When I was 20 I married Her. She was the most kind and beautiful woman I'd ever seen. We stayed on the farm there but her father sold half the land to us and we started our own breeding service. Every morning I'd come into the kitchen and there she'd be waiting for me with my coffee in hand. In the evenings when I'd come in from work she'd be sitting on the porch with a cup of coffee and a smile on her face. Sometimes we'd sit and talk and sometimes we'd just watch the sunset together. Just sitting there drinking our coffee.
There was an accident three years ago, the wire in one of our tractors broke lose and the thing went out of control. One of our best farm hands and a dear friend of ours was manning the machine, he was working on it but couldn't seem to get it under hand. Lissa was out in the yard playing and she didn't hear the commotion. Molly ran out and grabbed her before the tractor hit her, in the process the tail of her dress got caught in the claws of the tractor" he said.
He looked up at Jack His eyes brimming with tears "Molly didn't make it through the accident".
Jack wanted to cry herself, she slid her hand across the table and rested it on his.
"A few days after the funeral I walked into the kitchen and it hit me I don't think I've ever made or poured myself my own coffee. Since I was 18 years old she'd met me every morning and evening with a cup of it, I just couldn't bring myself to make any on my own and I still can't. Funny how the smallest things stick out in our minds and it's the smallest things we never get over" he said softly.
"Anyhow, so I come in here every morning and evening and get myself some coffee, I know people snicker and think it's strange but I don't mind. Their snickers and awkward stares are much easier to handle then to face that coffee pot and empty front porch at home" he told her.
"Harold, can I ask you something?"
"Sure" he told her.
"You said the wiring had broke in the tractor causing it to malfunction and Lissa didn't move because she didn't hear it all but I got to imagine a farming tractor out of control makes a lot of noise" Jack said.
"Lissa is deaf, didn't you know that?" he asked.
"No I had no idea" Jack said in wonder.
"That's why she keeps to herself, the other kids don't know how to sign language so they can't talk to her and they think she's strange because of it" he said.
"I want you to come back to the center with me" she said standing up.
Sam kept running through the woods until she found the familiar clearing. She looked around until she saw what she was looking for. When she found the old rusted hoop hanging down from a tree She walked over and pulled on it. It raised up the heavy branches and vines that had grown over the years. She saw the little old building and walked to it, letting go of the hoop it dropped the wild life back down hiding the building once again. She walked inside and found it just as it was the last time she'd seen it. Old and dusty maybe but untouched. A little bed sat in the corner and a rocking chair on the opposite side of the room. A little book shelf that held a few old books and some glasses. She ran a finger along it. Everything that had happened was running through her mind. All the harsh words that were spoken between herself and Riddick, all the memories of her home and everything that threatened to her to believe She could have it all back again.
"No" she said firmly shaking her head. "It's just fucking with my head, I can't have that again, it allows to much to be taken away" she said out loud. But what Riddick said and the conviction in his voice haunted her still. A coward, a coward who is running from everything. She should be grateful she has.
"He doesn't know what he's talking about" She said weakly to herself. I am not a coward this is right, it's better for me and it's safer for them she thought to herself. Her body was tired inside and out. She felt like she was being ripped apart.
"I left them, I left them and I left him again....no one took me away this time I just walked out on them" she said to herself. The tears poured down her face and she didn't stop them this time.
"What am I doing?" she muttered to herself. Is this right or is it wrong she asked herself, she didn't know anymore. She curled up on the bed in the corner and cried herself to sleep.
Riddick stirred in his sleep for a while before finally coming fully awake. He sat up for a minute trying to clear his thoughts. He was visited again by dreams. Samantha always in them and the war constantly raging.
"God what does it mean?" he asked himself.
He thought again about it, 'we're not as strong as we think we are', man it wouldn't leave him alone. Had he really said that? Strength was always the number one most important thing to him, it was what promised survival and what made a human worth while. Hadn't that been what he'd been telling Sam before and what finally drove her away that she needed to be strong? He shook his head.
"Something bothering you?" his head shot up hearing the voice. Cara sat perched on the arm of a chair in the corner.
"Damn I'm slipping again" he muttered to himself.
"Either that or you've met your match" she said. He cocked an eyebrow
"You fancy yourself pretty perceptive don't you?" he said.
"No I fancy myself as usually right" she said.
"Same difference" he told her.
"No it isn't, perceptive means insightful that leaves room for error, being right there's really no questioning there" she said.
"Do you normally sit around and watch people sleep?" he asked her.
"Not unless I need to" she stated.
"Oh and you think you need to watch me sleep?" he asked.
"Yep I can learn a lot from you while you're asleep" she told him.
"Funny I was thinking there's a lot you could learn from me awake" he said.
"Maybe but you're much more interesting asleep" she told him.
"Why's that?" he asked?
"You move more and talk less" she said. He did not know what to think about that!
"Excuse me?" he said.
"Don't get your boxers in a wad, you weren't gyrating your hips or anything" she said and he shot her a look. She smiled "Your face, you move it a lot in your sleep, many different expressions. You can read a lot from the expressions a person holds, especially when it's their subconscious that's making them do it" she said.
"You're a very strange girl" he told her standing up.
"Yep and you're a very strange man, I think we go together alright" she said grinning.
'What does she mean we go together well?', he asked himself. 'Go together how?'
"I'm not falling for you, don't flatter yourself, we make a good team as in we have good verbal debates. It takes a lot to keep my mouth going you should take it as a compliment" she said. He looked at her quizzically again and she started to speak.
"I know I know don't get my boxers in a wad right" he said before she could talk.
"No actually that isn't possible, is it?" she purposed.
"What isn't possible?"
"For you to get your boxers in a wad, seeing as you don't wear any it's not a real possibility I guess" she said standing up. She started to walk through the door and heard him say
"What the hell"?
"Well maybe you gyrate your hips a little in your sleep" she said and left him with his mouth gaping.
Riddick walked out on the porch where Cara was sitting. "Mind explaining that little hit and run comment back there" he said.
"Don't worry I'm not examining you in your sleep, I think you'd wake up if I were" she said.
"God I hope so. Then what's with the no boxers comment?" he said.
"Don't leave it as a question, I now you don't wear underwear you're to practical for it. It's part of who you are, I'd say it most likely came from prison life" she said.
"And what makes you think I was in prison?" he asked her.
"The way you walk, they way you carry yourself and your conversation. You word things a certain way when you answer question and are very specific in the way you ask them. You listen to people when they talk, I mean really listen to them. You're listening for a slip up or a give away that they haven't noticed they made. All in all if you sum it up it's pretty simple, you were either in prison or you were running from it for a long time, who knows maybe both" she said looking at him.
"What about you? I'd say you act and talk like a criminal. Always looking for the underlying tones in a conversation and always picking up on the unsaid things. Those are skills a person picks up because they're always looking to defend themselves or to point the questions away from them. But you're to young to have been in prison so what youth institutions or juvie or something?"
"Nope never lived anywhere but here" she said.
"Then you're just this way because you are, why can't I act the way I do because that's just who I am? Why do you have to say I was imprisoned or on the run because of it?" he asked.
"Because you were Riddick, I wasn't in a penial facility or a juvenile building but you should know you don't have to be barred up to be imprisoned" she said quietly. He nodded his head.
"I was born into a prison and forced into my own chains before I was old enough to ever understand them, I learned to except it as that's just the way it is. Shit's easier to get through if you'll accept it and embrace it, living's a lot harder if you constantly deny it and fight against it" she said softly.
"Surviving through it and stop constantly wondering why" he said.
"It'll make a person go mad after a while if they don't learn that" she said.
"You're stronger than you think" she said.
"Funny I thought I was the one with the big ego" he said.
"You're confident with your physical strength, you don't question it. Someone's ass needs kicked you do it and you never consider that you could have someone get the better of you that's true, but that isn't what I'm talking about" she said.
"Then what?"
"Inside you're stronger than you think you are, you've got what it takes"
"I've got what it takes? Honey don't let it fool ya I don't have what it takes because I don't feel it, I shut down inside don't think it's bravery that keeps me from snapping it's the lack of emotion that does" he said.
"Well if that helps ya sleep at night just keep on saying it"
"What the fuck are you talking about?" he said.
"Shut yourself off? Lack of emotions? Whatever Riddick, I've never seen a human more alive with emotions. You feel everything deep into your core you just don't want to believe that you do so you keep telling yourself that you don't feel it, that you're still so cold and indifferent but it's a load of bullshit"
"Whatever" he waved his hand at her saying.
"You're as scared as she is" Cara told him.
"Hey I'm not the one running" he said.
"No that's not your style, lying is though isn't it?"
"Lying, I've never lied once! Besides you're one to talk, you with your mysterious disappearances and then appearing again out of no where! I don't lie I tell things to people like it is, straight out no bullshitting"
"Ya you do, you do to everyone but yourself though. You still tell yourself that you're a bad person, that you're cold and that you aren't alive but that isn't true. You aren't a bad person, you aren't cold and you're very much alive" she said.
"I'm aware I'm alive Cara, if I weren't I wouldn't be talking to you right now".
"Not true, being a live as nothing to do with breathing I know a lot of people who breath but aren't alive, you aren't a walking corpse Riddick" she said.
"Is there a point to all this?" he asked
"Who has your heart Riddick?"
"I don't know".
"No bullshitting Riddick, who has your heart?"
"You want me to say that Sam does but I can't, alright. I never said I loved her and I never gave her more than she asked for and she never asked for my heart" he said.
"I didn't say, tell me Sam has your heart Riddick, I asked who has your heart".
"I don't know and that was an honest answer".
"That was a superficial what meets the eyes answer, dig down and look inside yourself Riddick. I don't care if it's hard and I don't care if it hurts you muster up the courage and look inside yourself, now tell me who has your heart".
Riddick thought about it for a while, "Can I ask you something Cara"?
"Sure you can ask me anything"
"How do you know who has your heart, what's involved in owning ones heart. Does that mean that you harbor affections for someone or does that mean you've told them you love them?" he asked.
"When you look inside yourself Riddick who do you see? Who's the first person that comes to mind when you smile"
"Jack" he said without hesitation.
"She's the one who has your love then, when you look inside at yourself she reflects back, when you smile your mind wonders to her" she said.
"When you think about life and when sometimes something has your back a wall and you can't understand and you just want to scream and you go inside yourself for answers and for peace tell me who do you see?" she asked.
"Carolyn?" he breathed.
"She's your debtor, the peace of mind you need. The quiet in the storm, the Savior. She's the beginning of the end" she told him. He looked up at her.
"When you do something and you think nobody's going to understand though who do you see? When you get up in the morning and look in the mirror and someone reflects back at you who is it? When things are a mess and you need to sort it out who do you want to talk with?" she asked him. He just looked at her.
"Who is it Riddick? When you need someone to understand, when you clutch that pillow so tightly to you who's body is it you're trying to compensate for?" she asked him.
Suddenly he realized what she meant by I learn a lot from you when you're asleep because you move more than you talk.
"Riddick who is it? Who is that pillow making up for?" she asked him again.
"Sam" he said.
"That's who has your heart" she told him. "It's a funny thing, we think whom ever we love carries our heart inside but they don't they carry our sentiment and they carry our concern and care. We think who ever it is we want to go to when we're down and out and back against a wall, that they're the ones who really know us inside and out. But the truth is our heart is more than just loving someone, it's more than just being thankful or holding someone in reverence or owing some great debt. The heart is all those things and so much more wrapped up in one. When someone has your heart they have your affections, they have your respect, they have your anger and they have the understanding you need. They're the ones we cling to at night wanting comfort mentally and physically, they're the ones who reflect in our eyes. That's commitment and that's what the heart is about. Sure you love them, but hell love's gotta be tough. If it wasn't it wouldn't survive long. Love means having the balls to get in some ones face and telling it straight, it means screaming if it's the only way to get something across. It also means understanding them in a way nobody else can, because no one else has their heart. You see Riddick letting someone own your heart is so much more than letting me have your love, it's letting them have your life and all the good and bad it claims. All the strengths and weakness it bares" she told him.
He just looked up at her with open eyes. "So Riddick, who has your heart?" she said. He nodded.
"What are you doing to do about it?" she asked. He nodded again.
Riddick started towards the kitchen. He grabbed his back pack and threw a few things in it. He went to the bedroom and grabbed a couple more things tossing them in. He looked down at a photograph fingering it, "Thank you" he murmured. He picked up his boots and pulled them on and laced them. He walked over to his dresser and pulled out a pin and paper. He scrawled something out and sat it on his pillow.
"Cara" he said coming onto the porch.
"Don't worry I'll talk to them" she said. He nodded
"Thanks Cara, for more than just clearing up the unfinished business I'm leaving for you" he said.
"Hey Riddick" she said.
"Ya" he said turning back to face her.
"It's only unfinished if you're not coming back" she told him. He grinned at her. "Remember one thing more" she said to him.
"What's that?"
"Don't come back here until you're free, one way or another" she said.
"How will I know when that is?" he smirked.
"Quit being such a smart ass. I'm mean it too, don't you come back here defeated you get what you're going for" she said to him.
"What am I going after?" he questioned.
She smiled "Ah touché, trying to pull a fast one on me, doesn't work" she said.
"What am I going after?" he said.
"Freedom" she said.
"And how's that accomplished?"
"Through truth" she said meaningly.
He smiled "Who ever taught you Cara, they taught you well. A self educated person I like that" he told her.
She smiled "Told ya we fit well together".
"Bye Cara"
"See ya around Riddick".
On impulse he walked over to her, he didn't really hug her just brought her tight to him in an embrace. "You've got a lot to tell me when I get back" he told her.
"You've got to come back to hear it" she said.
"Don't worry I will" he told her.
"Is that a promise?"
"Yes it is"
"Good because if you break it then I have reason to come after your ass and kick it" she said.
"Oh how'd you come by that reasoning?" he asked.
"Basic rules of ethics, my own personal rules of ethics that is" she said with a small grin.
"A woman of her word who follows her own laws" he said grinning.
"I know I know you like that" she said.
"Yes, yes I do" he said and turned to leave.
She watched him go and sighed deeply. That mans got a long road ahead of him she thought to herself. But he can handle it, whatever bumps and detours it brings him she realized. "Be careful and be safe, get what you're going for Riddick" she whispered to the air.
Sam tossed relentlessly in her sleep before waking. She'd had the most disturbing dreams coming to her. Constant fights and battles, all being verbal. Those are the worst, she thought, her brain starting to come out of sleep. Punches I can handle, hell punches I can give. But words, words are totally different. They're a more dangerous fight. Bruises and cuts can heal they can be forgotten but not words, they can cut to the bone and they almost never are removed from ones mind.
"They'll haunt you forever" she muttered to herself sitting up.
"Being haunted can really suck can't it"
Her eyes flew open. But a hand covered them before she could see anything clearly. She knew the voice before she saw who it was, hell I probably knew he was here before he even spoke she thought to herself. She put a hand over the one that covered her eyes and half her face.
A slight creak could be heard. The rocking chair still easing back and forth quietly from the quickness in which he'd abandoned it upon sensing her waking up. She'd ask how he found her but she already knew, she'd asked why but she was pretty sure she knew that too. He raised an eyebrow at her, he knows what I'm thinking she thought.
"Assumption is a dangerous thing" she said.
"Never assume you're right, you'll be wrong. Never know you'll win because you'll lose" he said.
She nodded her head "Like you said being haunted can suck" she told him. He released his hand. She waited a minute before opening her eyes.
"Like I said I'm real and I won't go away" he told her. She then opened her eyes and found him tucked into the rocking chair, his toe pushing into the floor rocking it softly.
"Hey Riddick" she said as if they were meeting on different terms.
"Hey Sam" he said looking at her intently.
"You wouldn't go away I knew that, but that's why I left" she told him.
"Just because you left doesn't mean I'll go away"
"Why?"
"Because Sam you've got something I want, I other need it back or need some confirmation" he said.
"I don't know of anything of yours I've got" she said.
He cocked an eyebrow " That's part of the problem" he said standing up.
"Riddick" she said slowly but he was quicker. He was on her in a second. His weight pressing her back into the bed. Her breath came quick in her throat and had her gasping for air. He ran a hand up her body thoroughly and his lips seared up her neck.
"Sam" he said huskily.
"I will not open my eyes".
He laughed heartily as anger and lust sparked through his senses. "God Cara you were never so right" he said to the air. Sam eye's shot open and looked at him
"What the Hell is that's suppose to mean?"
"Sam I thought you weren't going to open your eyes, now come on shut them again close yourself off tight into that little comfort zone you like so much I can take care of the rest" he said taunting her.
"Bastard!" she spat.
"If you wanted to, you could resist"
"You're bigger than an Ox, like I could shove you off" she said. He laughed again and tightened a hand around her waist.
"You give up so easily Sam, I'm beginning to like that" he said his eyes goading her along.
"You're such a stupid fuck" she hissed.
"And you're so full of shit, you know if you really wanted away you could get away" he said.
"You know the right buttons to push" she breathed.
"Only because you let me".
"Get off"
"Is that plea I hear in your voice Sam? Tell me what it is you really want?" he asked.She screamed out letting it rumble from deep in her chest.
"Oh Sam do it again I like that" he said. She beat her fist against his back.
"If you're so fucking hell bent on getting laid why don't you go find this precious Cara you say is so right, I'm sure she'd give it more willingly" Sam shouted at him.
"Is that jealousy in your voice Samantha?" he said teasing her. She screamed and start hitting his back again. She looked straight into her eyes and slowly Riddick watch the haze disappear. Suddenly her eyes flashed and he saw pure hate and real emotion blaze in them.
"There you are Sam, God you know we've really got to find a better way to get you out of hiding" he said.
"Fuck you Riddick"
"That's the plan isn't it" he smiled.
"I guess so since fucking has always been what you're about" she said.
"Oh remember Sam judgment is a dangerous thing" he told her.
"Not when you know you're right it isn't"
"That's the thing" he said inching his mouth closer to her ear. "Reality has a way of biting you in the ass" he breathed into her ear.
"Ya I know" she said breathlessly.
"I only fucked you because that's what you let me do" he said.
"So what are you doing now?" she said half questioning and half way unknowing.
"What are you going to let me do?" he asked.